So THIS is what guilt-free parenting feels like.

Have you guys seen the Orange Rhino Challenge?  In a nutshell, it's a challenge to stop yelling at your kids. 

*eyeroll*  Right?  How can you be a parent and not yell?  That's what parents DO.  It's like, 90% of the job description.

Isn't it?

Here's the thing: I'm a yeller.  My family of orientation has some anger management issues that were blissfully passed on to me.  The Captain, though much better than me most of the time, feeds off of my stress, so when I yell, he yells, too.  The kicker?  We never yell at each other the way we yell at the kids.  I would never, in a million years, use it as an acceptable form of communication with him, and he is usually so even keeled that I doubt he'd yell at me if I stuck a fork in his hand (okay, that may be an exaggeration, but you get the idea).

How is it okay to speak to our kids in a way that we would never dream of using with our partner?

We've made excuses for a long time.  "They just don't listen... I ask nicely 1,000 times and it's only when I yell that we get results... We do it to keep them safe... We can't communicate as effectively with them and we get frustrated."  I think most parents would think these are all viable excuses.  BUT THEY ARE NOT GOOD REASONS.

Since becoming parents of multiple children, our stress and anxiety levels have increased.  Now, we're about to add a 4th into our barely contained mass of chaos, and I've been thinking.  I've been thinking a lot.

About how I hate the way I feel when I tuck the kids in with tears on their faces, because I had to yell at them to just go to bed.  How I hate myself, because I should be doing better than this.  They deserve better than this.

About how I want to do better, and feeling guilty because I. Just. Can't.

So, upon my frequent blog hopping, I came across another Orange Rhino post.  This time, though, instead of passing it off as a wishy-washy idea, I read about it.  And I read some more.

I mentioned it to the Captain, and he became interested. 

This could be good for us.

We're starting small.  Like, one day at a time, small.

But you know what?

I did it.  I went the whole day, and the one time my voice got to a 4 level, I quickly reigned it in, took a breath, and started over.

And it was AMAZING.

But not yelling wasn't the only part of it.  I had to let go, too.  I had to let go of the need to control what my kids were or weren't doing.  I had to remember that they're kids.  One of them is barely considered more than a baby.  Cabin Boy #1 was the toughest.  Being nearly 4, he's picked up on my 'start yelling if someone doesn't do what I want' habit, and that's going to be a tough war to wage.  It will be so worth it though.

Because I got to say goodnight to my kids tonight without the guilt of things I said in anger, or things I yelled about, hanging over me, marking me as a less-than mom.  Less-than I want to be.  Less-than I should be.

Today, I didn't yell.  And I will strive to do the same tomorrow.  Because my kids deserve more than the less-than mom, and so do I.

20 toothless toddler Paleo/Primal friendly snacks

Cabin Boy #2 is 19 months old and has 6 teeth.  SIX. 

What do you feed a child that wants what everyone else is having but can't chew it all?!  Especially when what we're having for snacks is stuff like raw veggies, dehydrated fruits and meats, and nuts and seeds?

Now I know that gums are hard enough for kids to be able to mash up most foods, but CB2's front teeth are sharp enough to get big chunks off of things like carrot sticks, and, let's face it, some things are just too tough to eat without molars.

Through the interwebs (read: Pinterest) and our family's experience I've come up with a handy-dandy list; all of these are Cabin Kid approved.

Raisins/Dried fruit- Give them a mini-box of raisins and you've given them a snack AND a task.  Win-win.

Avocados- My boys go nutso over this mushy, green, healthy fat and nutrient packed food (Why do we give our kids fat, you ask?  Check out some of the reasons here and here)

Soft fruits- Melons, grapes, berries, etc.  If you get canned fruit (the Cabin Kids love mandarin oranges) check to make sure it's canned in fruit juice, not syrup.

Tomatoes- Slices or wedges, if your kids can handle nightshades, are great for little fingers.  Halved cherry or grape tomatoes are great, too.

Apple/Pear slices- Without the skin; CB2 just spits it out and leaves it in random corners anyway. Pair them with:

Nut butters*- Almond butter is a favorite in our house, but I know lots of people love Sunflower seed butter, too; or

Cheese- We're just venturing away from processed string cheese and into the world of raw dairy.  I've found an amazing medium cheddar that is soft and Oh-so tasty from a local farm at our health food store.

Olives- Unfortunately, my kids only like black olives thus far.  But, it's another plant based fat that my kids go gaga over.  Plus, see if they can get an olive on each finger and, TA-DA, another task!

Bananas- The Cabin Kids would eat bananas all day long if I let them.  Whole, sliced with almond butter, dehydrated, doesn't matter.  Say banana and they go ape-shit (see what I did there? *snort*). I know bananas should be with the 'Soft fruit,' but my kids love them so much, in so many ways, that I thought they deserved their own spot.

Fruit leathers- Pour some unsweetened applesauce on a dehydrator tray, let it run for 12 hours or so and, VOILA, you have fruit leather.  CB1 can chew it, while CB2 enjoys sucking on it.  As his saliva works its magic, the fruit is slightly rehydrated and easier for him to eat.  There are a few good brands out there without added sugars and preservatives but I really encourage you to try your own.  We have lots of frozen plum puree that we've added in several times, and berries would make an awesome addition, too.

Larabars- Again, I encourage you to make your own.  It's super easy (if you have a food processor) and way cheaper than $1 per bar if you have a place you can get almonds, raisins, and dates in bulk.  Just use a 1:1:1 ratio on your nuts, dried fruit, and dates, pulse until all crushed/combined, then press into a lined pan and chill, cut, and wrap.  The ground nuts are small enough for toothless kiddos to manage easily, and the dried fruits hold it all together.

Fruit and yogurt- Frozen raspberries in a little bowl of yogurt that they can stir on their own is ridiculously exciting.  I mean, RIDICULOUSLY.  They love watching the yogurt slowly turn pink from the thawing raspberry juice and always exclaim when they get a chunk of cold fruit.  If your kids can handle dairy, this is a great snack for a quiet afternoon at home (where you can have a washcloth handy).

Applesauce- Another one you should have a napkin handy for. 

Pickles- Crunchy on the outside, but soft enough inside for those gums to get the job done.  We prefer baby dills, since they're little hand friendly and don't pose as big of a choking hazard.

Uncured deli meats- Roll them up with some cheese, mashed avocado, or a Paleo/Primal friendly tapenade.

Hard boiled eggs- Because, duh.  We love eggs.  Slice them if you think your little one's hands may not be able to handle a slippery sphere.

Pepperoni sticks- We have a great uncured brand available locally.  I have to snip the tough ends off for the boys and bite CB2s to break the casing a bit for him, but they love them.  As do Captain and I.

Baked goodies-  A quick Google search will reveal loads of recipes for quick and easy Paleo/Primal baked treats.  Paleo Parents has a great Anytime Cookie recipe in their book, Eat Like a Dinosaur (which I recommend for any full or partial Paleo family), that you can customize with your kids' favorite dried fruits and nuts.  Just make sure you watch the natural sugars in some of the recipes you may come across.  Even though they're healthier than conventional baked goods, a treat is still a treat and should be given in moderation.

Smoothies- Full fat coconut milk, some nut butter, a piece of fruit, and a handful of spinach.  Who doesn't love a green smoothie?!  Customizable with endless possibilities.

Frozen fruit pops- Blend up your favorite fruit combination and freeze it in a popsicle mold.  Perfect for a lazy, hot afternoon, or a special picnic on the kitchen floor treat.  Plus, no dyes, additives, or surprise ingredients!  Add some coconut milk for an extra punch of good fats, or some spinach for a sneaky bit of veggies!


Do your kids have a favorite snack?


*We avoid peanut butter/peanuts mostly because the Cabin Boys are mildly allergic to it.  Some great info on why you should consider avoiding peanuts and peanut butter can be found here and here.

The Painful Secret About Being Mom.

This mom-cage I live in is terrifying.  Beautiful, maddening, breathtaking, disastrous, hilarious, chaotic... terrifying. 

How can I be so lucky and feel so deprived?  Am I spoiled?  Do I just not understand how good I've got it?

When you can't go into the bookstore with your children, not only because you don't have the energy, but just KNOWING what a task it will be takes all the fun out of the idea.  When the people in a fast food drive through start to recognize you because your only escape is strapping the kids in their seats and driving until everyone either passes out or claims they're starving.  When a room is finally clean after an hour of hard work and distractive play for a whole 5 seconds only to be destroyed when you turn around to tackle the next task. 

When you look upon your husband's job... the long hours, the coworkers, the inclimate weather, the problem solving, the danger... with envy, and you resent him the 30-45 minutes he gets alone in the bathroom to wash off the day before facing a pregnant wife and 3 children who NEED his attention.  Because he was outside.  He got to interact with others.  He feeds us tiny morsels of what life is like in the real world on a daily basis because he's THERE.  He's IN IT.  

When you feel guilty for making plans out of the house 2 nights in a row.  When a Dr. appointment and parenting class elicit such feelings of bliss that it shakes you to your core.  'Please let the Dr. be running behind so I have an extra 10 minutes to stare out this window with nothing but my thoughts.' 

Oh Mother, is this what I sound like now? 

When you've become so sucked into the lives of these tiny people that need everything from you that you lose yourself.  You are a cup and they take gulp after gulp after gulp out of you, never able to quench their thirst, rarely, and sometimes never, giving you time to refill.  After a time you begin to stop offering yourself as a cup.  An empty vessel is not useful if it does not have something to carry within it.

What can I fill my cup with?  What do I like to do?  What music do I like?  Is there a new book I could read?  When did I stop knowing everything about myself?

Is this really who I've become?

I came across this today and it is what sparked these musings:

Which begs the question:

How do you choose?  And, once you have chosen, how do you go about spending more time with these idyllic people without scaring them away?  I would certainly be wary of a woman saying, "Hi, I admire you and want to share qualities x, y, and z of yours.  Here's my cell, Facebook page, e-mail address, and Twitter handle.  Can we start spending every Wednesday afternoon together?!"

Yes.  I have become like a child.  A toddler, even.  Socially awkward.  Demanding.  Prone to fits and tantrums.  Clueless and lost and just hoping someone will come along that's willing to entertain me, spend time with me, understand me... for just a minute.  Wait, please, 1 more?  Where are you going..?

Am I the only one?

Easy Peasy Gluten Free Lunch: 6-Toothed Toddler Approved!

Peeled, shredded zucchini in scrambled eggs, served with organic ketchup and avocado on a corn tortilla.

 

Notice how the tortilla ended up, veritably untouched, on the table?

This one demanded seconds.  His tortilla also ended up being cast aside.

I happened to like my eggs wrapped up nicely in the tortilla.  And they never noticed the zucchini.

Experiment! A pledge to my children.

For a long time we've I've struggled with maintaining a healthy lifestyle.  Captain doesn't care one way or another, as he doesn't seem to have health issues related to the type and amounts of food he eats.  The kids and I, on the other hand, do have issues.  Gut issues, skin issues, behavioral issues...  Issues that I've been in and out of denial about.  Issues that, because of this first trimester exhaustion, I just haven't been up to the task of facing.

I have to remind myself that these issues only make my days more difficult.  That feeling good is just as important as getting enough rest right now.  That if what I'm eating is making me feel like crap, what is it doing to the little bodies of my children, and the one that's currently incubating?  I'm constantly wondering if my pregnancy nutrition with the first 3 Cabin kids is the baseline for all the issues they have with allergies and digestion now.

So I've come up with a pledge to my children, and my experiment will be to stick with it, for as long as possible, and check in occasionally with how we're all doing and feeling.

What would you add to the pledge?  Will you make it to your family with me?

I may be an ass, but you will always think twice about carseat safety now.

Car seat safety.  

It's like the 'shoe shopping' talk of parenthood.  Someone mentions the new standards and people start to gaze off into the distance dreaming of things like dancing cats.

But it's SERIOUS, people.

Oh sure, "I grew up laying in the back window of my parents' station wagon, and I'm fine!"  

Or, "We drove home from the hospital with you on my lap in the passenger seat!"

Yes.  Yes, I know.  But today, in so many ways, is so, SO frighteningly different.  The food we eat, access to television, the internet, cell phones, and travel are all so different.  Standards are constantly being updated and changed for a reason!  Yes, it's hard to keep it all straight, and it's another huge worry point that a lot of parents, especially first time parents, tend to overlook.

The reason for this post:

I saw a picture on FB today of a friend's 15 month old in his carseat and the FIRST thing I noticed was that he had a winter jacket on underneath the harness.  Okay.  It's not SO bad, as long as you snug up the harness, right?  Except, the clip was crooked, visibly below armpit level.  And, he was forward facing.  And, oh man, is that the rear latch strap going across the seat next to it to the other side of the headrest to clip in?  

Usually, I let other peoples' parenting choices be just that; other peoples' choices.  But I couldn't this time.  Mother help me, I just COULDN'T say nothing and leave it to chance that he might be okay should they get in an accident.  So I sent my friend a message. 

Now, when his wife was in labor, I sent him a few helpful tips that I wish someone would have shared with Captain or I during our first labor and delivery.  I specifically said, in one way or another, 'You can totally tell me to stuff it if you don't want anymore unsolicited advice from me,' but he seemed pretty happy to have the information.  We've known each other since grade school and have an easy enough rapport that I'm confident he'll tell me when he doesn't want my advice or opinion.

I just hope he took my concerned message to heart.  Even if it makes me look like an ass by pointing out all the things he was doing wrong with his son and he unfriends me, or whatever, at least now he'll think twice about it whenever he buckles that sweet little boy into his car seat.

The 2012 Guidelines for carseat safety are here but they can be changed and updated at any time!

Have you ever spoken up when you noticed a child's safety in question?

14 Ways Pregnant Women are like Toddlers

Is that so, you say?  Oh yes, I say.


Macaroni and cheese with a side of pb&j and apple juice for lunch, please!  Don't be stingy with the ketchup!

Chances are good they might not make it to the toilet in time.

If they can't find their red shirt and have to wear their yellow shirt instead, you will hear about it ALL. DAY.

They outgrow their clothes every 2-3 months.

Also, those clothes are optional.

They throw a fit if they can't have dessert after they eat half a pizza for dinner.

They either sleep like the dead or don't sleep at all.

Whatever it is you're making for breakfast, they don't want it.

You can hear them walking stomping through rooms from any location in the house.

They need help getting dressed and tying their shoes.

They make unreasonable demands in the middle of the night.

They're magnets for unsolicited advice and judgement.

They have the attention span of a goldfish. 

They cry about EVERYTHING.

I know this, because I am one!