Serious moment: I'm not a prude and I'm not a pushover.

This whole 50 Shades of Grey thing has me thinking a lot about a topic that most of my friends and I don't agree on: Porn.  I'm not okay with it.  It's something I've never been comfortable with and the few times I've watched it I felt gross and dirty.  Rationally, I can see the appeal.  Emotionally, I just don't get it.  So when people hear that porn is not allowed in my house, and that it is a deal breaker for my marriage, they think I'm being unreasonable.  "Men need porn" is, in my opinion, a bullshit cop-out.  If you and your spouse mutually enjoy it together, good for you!  But don't judge the relationship my husband and I have just because I can't stand having it in my house.  To me, porn is sex, and sex is something that The Captain will enjoy with only me or he can GTFO.  Thankfully, he understands.  He can put himself in my shoes and can honestly say that he wouldn't be comfortable with me watching porn, either.  Maybe we're both a little insecure and, yes, we both know each other to be jealous types, but it works for us because we know exactly how the other is feeling.

So when I say I have no interest in becoming part of this 50 Shades of Grey craze because my husband wouldn't approve...  I'm not being a pushover or letting him control me.  I don't want to read it because he doesn't want me to.  Not because I'm a good-little-wifey that thinks how she's told to think, but because I am respecting his feelings the same way he respects mine.

What a Change...

I just finished reading through my past blog posts and, WOW... they were depressing!  But, sadly, that's where I was.  And now here I am, looking back on how I was feeling, marveling at how much can change in a few months' time.

Since my last post I have healed wonderfully from abdominal surgery, joined a CrossFit gym, dove headfirst into a strict diet and rigorous exercise plan, and I ran my second 5k (though technically it was only 2.45 miles).  I am up at 5 a.m. nearly every weekday morning, at the gym by 6, and home by 7:30, a happy and sweaty mess.  For the most part I have cut out grains, sugars, and starches again (with the exception of 2 weeks of birthday party, camping, and child-free vacation food).  Cabin Boy #2 is officially done nursing and we're getting the big kids ready to start school next week.

The changes I've made have been crazy, but the changes in the way I FEEL are truly amazing.  Looking back, my instincts that my depression was stemming from the chronic pain I was in were spot on.  And now that I don't have the excuse of being in pain to hold me back, there's no stopping me!  I've been more productive and making healthier choices in the kitchen, on top of my chores once again, more patient with the kids, and less of an emotional roller coaster.  Now that I'm on the road to reaching some of my fitness goals I feel better about myself physically, too.  Not because I want to look a certain way, but because I want to be able to say, "Yes, I'm fit!"  Of course, having a nice butt is icing on the cake...

We're getting into a new routine now, also.  It goes hand in hand with the extra productivity I've had.  While I'm at the gym The Captain gets the kids up, changed, and fed, and puts away the clean dishes from the night before.  Cabin Girl and I shower together, then she (starting next week) gets ready for school.  Starting next week we'll all have to be ready to head out the door by 8:45 to get CG to school on time, and Tuesday/Thursday is Cabin Boy #1's preschool day.  Throughout the day I put dirty dishes in the washer as soon as we finish using them, so I don't have a huge pile of dishes staring at me from the counter after dinner, I get my daily chore (alternates between cleaning the bathrooms, scrubbing floors, cleaning bedrooms, etc), and wash several loads of laundry.  When The Captain gets home he helps with the kids while I make dinner then we all relax/play together until bath time.  The Captain bathes and dresses the boys while Cabin Girl picks up the living room and I put together lunch for the next day for her and Captain, prep the coffee pot so all he has to do is push a button in the morning, and wash whatever dishes are leftover.  I'm hoping this routine will afford me the time to continue my Medical Transcription training and get some craft time in...  We'll have to see how CB1 adjusts to preschool and if CB2's nap schedule becomes more concrete.

All in all, I guess I just wanted to share my joy at being in a better place, mentally, emotionally, and physically.  I hope to share more of it soon!