Renn Faire Privateer Gone Mom.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Big Bloggy News!

Look Ma!  I have my own website!
That's right!  I'm officially self-hosted now!

What does this mean for me?  It opens the doors for things like sponsorships and paid blogging opportunities.

What does this mean for you?  I can start participating in cool giveaways, which means free stuff for YOU!

If you were participating in the Unicorns Fart Glitter blog hop, head over to the new page here:

Glitter Fart Hop
Don't forget to replace your button so it takes your followers to the new page instead of the old one!

If you have my blog button on your page (which, thank you, I love you so much), don't forget to replace that, too!

Domestic Pirate

Lastly, I want to give a hug cyber hug to all of you, my dear mateys, for making this move possible.  The only reason I was able to even consider putting money into this is because of your amazing support of this little piece of me that I love sharing with you.  So,

From the bottom of my rum deprived heart.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Stop Making Senseless Murdering a Contest

In the wake of the Zimmerman case there are a million and one posts about 'this white guy being killed by that black man and the media didn't say a word' and 'this black guy was killed by this white guy and not one news agency reported it' and, frankly, it sickens me.

You do no one any good by making it a contest.  In fact, you make it worse.  You're creating the lines that are being crossed between a humanity issue and a race issue.  If 'our side' has more unreported brutal murders than 'their side,' we can continue to play to victim without guilt.  It will give us an explanation for the senseless deaths of more good people; Well, of course this was done by a *insert race of choice* guy, just look at how many other killers there are that look like he does, or come from a similar circumstance.  It continues to feed the fires of this race oppression battle that's raging around us.

YES, there is racism in our country, in our world, against all races.  I'm not saying it doesn't exist.  I'm not saying ignoring it is the answer.  But continuing to point out the races in certain travesties from your place of privilege doesn't help.  

This shouldn't be a black/white/brown/pink issue.  It should be a people issue.  Quit bitching about someone from your race going unnoticed and mourn them, along with the countless others of countless other races whose senseless deaths have gone unnoticed, too.

Friday, July 12, 2013

5 Tips on Surviving Pregnancy as a Couple

Guys, we know you don't know.  We know you can't understand the way having a tiny being pressing on all the corners of your abdomen from the inside can feel.  We know you don't get rushes of inexplicable emotions, or food cravings so intense that you're tempted to recreate the World of Warcraft freak out.  And we know that it's hard for you to understand why we might not be as frisky as usual.

Ladies, even the most pleasant, levelheaded of us can become stark raving mad biznatches during the miracle that is pregnancy.

I'm far from a relationship expert, but I'm really good at getting knocked up and the Captain's still hanging around, so I'm here to give a few tips, for both ladies and guys, on how to deal with pregnancy issues without becoming little more than resentful roommates before your tiny poop machine makes its debut.

Photo credit: Trish Andrus

1: Morning (read: 24/7) sickness- Guys: When your lady is spending most of her day dry heaving into the sink or making out with the toilet, spend some of that time with her.  Get her a hairband, bring her a glass of water, just sit there and rub her back.  When she's done and has cleaned off the goop that was ricocheted back into her face, hug her for a minute.  Don't speak.  And most importantly, don't ask if she's okay.  She's not okay.  Her body is trying to turn itself inside out.  Just let her know with your actions that you're there for her in her most vulnerable and potentially embarrassing* moments without judgement, and you'll be raking in the brownie points. *Ever puke so hard you pee yourself or fart unintentionally?  No?  Then no complaining if she does.  Yes?  Then you'll know the feeling and keep your trap shut.

Ladies: After you're done heaving and your guy has been sweetly and silently doting on you, brush your teeth (or at least gargle with some mouthwash) and wipe the snot off your face before you show your gratitude with a kiss.  You don't have to get into a full blown make-out sesh, but make sure you show him that you noticed his silent support and that you appreciate it.  No one likes hanging around someone who's puking like they're possessed by a demon.

2: Exhaustion- Guys: Don't complain that your lady seems to be utterly exhausted by the most menial tasks.  She slept for 10 hours, made herself barely presentable for work, took a nap on her lunch break, and now she's on the verge of tears because she's out of clean underwear and is still just. so. tired?  Now's the time to tie on your super-hero cape and offer your skills as a domestic helper.  Ask her what she needs you to do, and do it without grumbling. Within earshot.  Let's be real.  No one likes extra chores.

Ladies: Let go.  I'm no June Cleaver, but I admit that I like things to be done a certain way.  If your guy is making your life a little easier by picking up a few of the chores around the house, don't nit pick about how it's done.  Thank him as often as you can while he's helping and once he's done, let him know how much you appreciate it.  You'll have plenty of time for fretting and doing it yourself during the feel good trimester, and if you gripe about how he's helping, he's not going to do it anymore.

3: Food- Guys: We can't explain it.  Sometimes there are just things our body won't tolerate.  Like vegetables.  Or the smell of cooking meat.  Or anything that doesn't have sugar in it.  It's a crap-shoot.  One day we could be dying for Indian food and the next day just the idea of curry makes us nauseous.  We're just as perplexed and frustrated by it as you are.  So, if you're the cook in the house, ask what your lady wants to eat, and always have a backup plan, lest all your cooking go to waste.  And if your lady has a particular craving while you're out and about, get it for her!  You will earn some major brownie points for assisting her in her random indulgences.  Sometimes, there is nothing sexier than a man coming home with a take-out box full gyoza and chicken katsu.  And when your lady proceeds to stuff her face full of the desired food so fast you're positive she isn't even chewing it, just ask if she'd like something to drink, too.  Or, make a joke about it.  Captain's favorite line to say at meals with me this pregnancy?  "Yes, I want you BIGGER!" in a totally creep-tastic, evil geniusy voice.  Nearly makes me choke on my gyoza.

Ladies: If it is within your power to get your craved-for food yourself, do it.  If it's 3 a.m. and you just HAVE to have a McChicken, don't pester your guy to give up his sleep to fetch it.  Either slap on a robe and hit the drive thru, or find something that will satisfy your taste buds until lunch tomorrow.  Whatever you do though, don't beat yourself up about what your body is craving.  Just make good decisions where you can so that if you do have a day during which that slutty bitch Little Debbie won't stop harassing you, you won't feel guilty for eating the entire box of her Oatmeal Creme Pies in the car on the way home from the store.  You know, for example.

4: Personal hygiene- Guys: Here's the deal.  Our bodies change a lot during pregnancy.  Our chemicals change so we smell different, our bodies produce more icky things than we care to admit, hair grows in thicker, darker, and faster, we break out like Argus Filch getting the side effect of Weasley's Fever Fudge, and we get stretchmarks on top of just plain not feeling good.  It is generally pretty hard to feel sexy during pregnancy knowing that your body has become a completely different animal.  If we aren't feeling sexy, then we sure as hell don't think you find us sexy.  If your lady has a hard time shaving her legs and complains about it?  Offer to shower with her and help.  And don't expect that bikini line to look very nice until she gets more than 5 minutes to shower after baby arrives.

Ladies: It sucks, but don't gripe about it.  Do you want to hear details about your guy's sweaty package after a long day?  He doesn't want to hear about the nasty things your body is doing.  Hair on your nipples?  Quietly pluck it.  Pee when you sneeze?  Just go change.  Deodorant not up to par anymore?  Hit the store and get something better.  It's kind of like the poop rule:  Everybody does it, but people aren't too keen on seeing it, smelling it, or hearing about it.  Unless it's theirs.  Like the saying goes: Everyone likes their own brand best.

5: Becoming as big as a house- Guys: In our fat-shaming, thinspo pushing culture, pregnancy weight gain is just about the most confusing thing ever.  Medical experts don't help either, by putting out general limits on how much we should be gaining at certain points during pregnancy.  Even when our bodies are in the midst of doing the most amazing thing ever, we are critical of them for not fitting in with the norm that is portrayed by Photoshopped advertising.  Whatever stage in the pregnancy, there will be hitches in your lady's self esteem.  First trimester bloating, ensuring our regular pants will see the closet sooner than we'd hoped.  Second trimester showing barely enough that you just look fat.  Third trimester you-must-be-having-twins belly.  Other people assuming that our pregnancy is open to the peanut gallery's 2 cents, telling us we're too small, too big, carrying too high, too low, etc.  Make your house a place of zen and acceptance.  This woman is carrying your baby, and even if you may not think she's beautiful or sexy in the conventional sense, shower her with your affections.  Find reasons to compliment her.  Tell her that her bump looks cute in the outfit she's wearing.  You're half the reason she's going through this.  Rub lotion on her stretched belly to show her that you want a better connection with her and the life blooming inside her.  Strive to be at least half of the reasons she smiles every day.

Ladies: Quit with the self depreciating remarks about your changing body.  This is what your body was designed to do.  Marvel in the way it changes to accommodate the rapid growth of your baby rather than despair at the numbers on the scale.  Share the things that make you feel good with your guy.  If you only point out the bad things, they will become the only things that you see.  And try to make light of it.  For instance, I felt like I had my own gravitational pull a few days before my due date with Cabin Boy #1.  So, I made a Halloween costume to showcase it.

In a nutshell, love each other, help each other, appreciate each other, don't say stupid things, and, when in doubt, bring home some gyoza.  Or ice cream.  Or pickles.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Theme Thursday: Superheroes; The Real Life Kind

I'm keeping it short and sweet today.

I don't have a lot of opinions about Superheroes.  Sure, I enjoy movies and shows about them, but I've never been one to pick a favorite.  Pirates are more my thing.  If you couldn't tell.

But I do believe that there are real life people that embody the idea of what a Superhero should be, and stand for.  Lending a hand in times of crisis, being a well of support for others, living life to the fullest despite limitations you or those around you may have, and looking on the bright side and being grateful for the positives despite a storm of negatives.

Which is why today I just want to share this little FB page with you, created by my friend Janelle, to chronicle the journey of her baby boy born with a heart condition and support other families dealing with Chronic Heart Disease.

Click here to see what Mighty Max and the Mission Squad are up to!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

I'm Co-Hosting! Tattler Thursday Blog Hop

I'm so excited to be Co-Hosting this Hop with the fine ladies from The Wild and Wonderful World of Gingersnaps, Chill Thoughts, and Comfytown this week!  This hop to share kid stories is so fun!  Join us, or just read some of the awesome things other peoples' kids do for some Thursday giggles!

This week I'm re-sharing the story of how Cabin Boy #2 discovered something stashed in my bedside table.  If you missed it, check it out HERE.

Hiya Snappers! Welcome back for week #9 of the Tattler Thursday Blog Hop! It's time to tattle and hop!
It's a share your crazy, gross, hilarious, in-the-trenches parenthood stories, kind of blog hop! I love funny kid stories and I want to hear yours!

 Just leave a comment with your story, post not required! So think of your funniest, wackiest or favorite kid stories, leave a comment  with your story/tattle, follow your Host and Co-Hostesses, visit and discover other blogs, and have fun!

Remember the easiest way to get a follow back is to like/follow other pages and leave a comment! So hop around, tell your friends and share, share, share! This is a hop designed for you to have fun and share! Happy Tattling!

 Please, Please, Please follow your host and co-hostesses! We do this for free, and fun, so don't be a bloghole and not follow! Also looking for future Co-Hosts(no cost associated and it's super easy just ask! Also a great way to gain new followers and make new bloggie friends)! Send me an email @ if your interested! Thanks guys and dolls! Muah! Wink!

The Wild and Wonderful World of Gingerssnaps

                                    about the Blog Hop!

                                             The Rules are:

                                  1- Follow Your Host and Co-Hostesses
                  2- Grab the button and display it on your blog or hop
            3- Leave a comment with a funny, wacky, or gross kid story/tattle
        Be Sure to Hop over to other blogs and visit/network and share the Hop
                               Have fun Hopping! (and come back next week!)
                                The Wild and Wonderful World of Gingerssnaps                                

            Thanks to this weeks co-hostesses,  Miss Cristyl, Miss Joy, and Miss Jessica ! Be sure to  hop by their pages and give them some lovin'! Love these little gals!


Comfytown Chronicles
Domestic Pirate
Looking for bloggers to Co-Host the Hop! Sign up to Co-Host!  Email for more information!

Whimsical Wednesday: Family Vacation

Domestic Pirate

Last week I was on vacation with my family in Northern Idaho for the week of the 4th.  While the logistics of vacationing with small kids isn't Sunshine and Rainbows, we really had a great time playing on the white sandy beaches and in the gorgeous clear water of Priest Lake while we caught up with family we only get to see once or twice a year.

My parents brought us up here almost every weekend during the summer when we were growing up, and there was nothing more fun than playing all day with our cousins, whether in the water, on jet skis, or riding our bikes, then snarfing down copious amounts of s'mores before playing hide and seek in the dark and passing out in each other's tents, or, when we got older, on the beach under the stars.

Captain and I always hoped our would kids have the same fun and free experience with their cousins, but since we're all spread out now, it only happens occasionally.

For now, we feel blessed to have such an amazing piece of nature to share with our kids and hope that, someday, they'll appreciate that experiencing a place like this is truly something that very few get a chance to do.