Speculating

I haven't blogged for a bit.  I've wanted to though.  The clarity it affords me is amazing.  I'd like to encourage everyone to journal or blog; it forces you to actually sit down and examine what's going on inside your head.

I'm writing tonight to say, I think I found it.  The spiritual outlet I've been seeking.  That SOMETHING that eludes me on a daily basis and, like a dust speck, every time I try to focus on it the light shifts and it disappears.  Let me start by saying that I've never felt I belonged to a church.  I've never been one for God and scriptures.  If I can't experience it with one of my 5 human senses, I just can't accept it.  What does that leave me with, in terms of available religions?  Not a lot.  I'm not one to take giant leaps and faith is hard for me.  But, I was blindsided tonight. 

To backtrack: I've always been fascinated by the celestial.  Moons, stars, the sun, zodiacs, constellations...  I never chose to learn much about anything beyond how to find the big dipper and what being a Gemini really means, but if it had a celestial theme, I was drawn to it (as proven by my childhood room decor and the tattoo I designed for my family).

In my recent literary searchings I picked up a book on Wiccan Traditions.  My dearest childhood friend is Wiccan and I've always thought it interesting.  I've been picking through it over the last week or so but tonight...  here's that blindside I mentioned before.  I got to a chapter on Wiccan themes.  Like many religions, there are branches.  Without realizing it I came upon the Celestial Theme.  I don't know how to explain the revelation I had.  I almost feel stupid for not realizing it earlier.  If this is what people mean when they say they were 'just drawn to it', I now completely understand.  This is something I have already wondered at, based within something I can see, I can experience the effects of it in my everyday life by walking outside and see it by looking into the sky.  

Coincidentally (or not?), tomorrow is the eve of the Wiccan New Year.  Samhain marks a fresh start and I will mark it as the first day of a new path on this journey of rediscovery.  I haven't been this excited about something, felt so deep down that this is right, since I walked down the aisle to Zach's waiting hands.  

I am eager.  I am terrified.  I am relieved.  And, I am grateful.  I think this is it.