Renn Faire Privateer Gone Mom.

Monday, June 24, 2013

My house smells like a sex toy. I swear, it's not what you think.

You know those romance parties?  Groups of ladies gather together to giggle over naughty euphemisms and freely discuss their sexuality, while snacking on suggestively shaped foods and perusing the latest and greatest pleasure enhancing products out there.

I've been to a couple.

They're totally fun.

No, the Captain and I don't NEED anything to enhance our bedroom relationship, but sometimes it's fun to try something new, even if it is a different scented massage oil.

I've brought a few things home from these parties.  Mostly door or game prizes (Who can suck the candy off a Blow Pop the fastest?  This chick.) and a few small purchases, like lube and whatnot.

Things that were used once or twice and promptly forgotten about in my bedside table.

Until now.

When the nearly 2 year old Cabin Boy #2 went perusing through our bedroom drawers while I was cooking dinner and the Captain was showering off his softball game.

For some reason he has a fascination with lotions lately.  Leave the toothpaste within his reach and he'll squeeze half the tube out in a heartbeat:
Or, he'll scale the changing table to get to the diaper cream:

Apparently, Strawberry Cheesecake Massage Cream is no exception.

Upon Captain's arrival to the bedroom from the bathroom, he discovered it:

On my laptop
Our comforter
The floor
The bedside table
The dresser
CB2's face
The stairway wall
The stair rail

But NOT, ironically, on any of our 'toys.'

If dinner hadn't been ready right at the moment of discovery, it would have been an early bath time.

As it stands, we had dinner while CB2, Captain, and I all smelled very strongly of intimate cream.

Cabin Girl thought it was lovely.

And now I'm hoping the Captain will take my pleas to replace our bedroom door handle more seriously.


  1. yeah, this fascination with lotion doesn't stop any time soon. my 3yo twins just got into the diaper cream (AGAIN because Hubs can't remember to put it out of their reach) and left white 40% zinc handprints all over the wall in their sister's room (AGAIN because Hubs can't enforce the rules and keep them out of her room) and all up and down the white banister. Yeah, that was fun to hunt down the sticky spots.

    1. Diaper cream is the WORST! I had to wash the drapes in that picture TWICE and they still smell like zinc. Ugh.

  2. LOL! Ah, the joys of having children! :) I wish I could blame the kid for all the hand prints all over everything, but I can't; it's the hubby!

    Thank you so much for linking up with the Humor Me! Blog Hop!!

    1. Yeah, our whole house needs to work on hand washing something fierce. But then I'd probably be cleaning up soap messes everywhere...

      My pleasure! Thanks for checking out my post!

  3. Strawberry cheesecake? Um, that sounds awesome. I wish MY kid smelled like that.

    1. It would have been Okay if it didn't remind me of some... failed escapades. Which is why the tube was stuffed in a drawer and forgotten. :D

  4. HAHAHAHA! Totally funny! Thankfully my kid hasn't found my stash yet though friends of mine have very funny stories of finding their "toys" in their kids' closets. Hmmmm. -- Norine of Science of Parenthood

    1. Well, it's no wonder, with things out there that have butterflies and bunnies on them!

  5. Ha! Following you over the Tattler. Love your blog. Read a bunch of your posts. Loved 'em all. Glad I found you!

    1. Thanks so much! I'm a little in love with you just because of your avatar right now...

  6. Awesome!! This made me laugh really hard. Ah, children.