My house smells like a sex toy. I swear, it's not what you think.

You know those romance parties?  Groups of ladies gather together to giggle over naughty euphemisms and freely discuss their sexuality, while snacking on suggestively shaped foods and perusing the latest and greatest pleasure enhancing products out there.

I've been to a couple.

They're totally fun.

No, the Captain and I don't NEED anything to enhance our bedroom relationship, but sometimes it's fun to try something new, even if it is a different scented massage oil.

I've brought a few things home from these parties.  Mostly door or game prizes (Who can suck the candy off a Blow Pop the fastest?  This chick.) and a few small purchases, like lube and whatnot.

Things that were used once or twice and promptly forgotten about in my bedside table.

Until now.

When the nearly 2 year old Cabin Boy #2 went perusing through our bedroom drawers while I was cooking dinner and the Captain was showering off his softball game.

For some reason he has a fascination with lotions lately.  Leave the toothpaste within his reach and he'll squeeze half the tube out in a heartbeat:

Why yes, my bathroom does smell clean! We can thank the Cabin Boys and half a tube of Toms Peppermint toothpaste for that. #hairisgoinggrey
— Jessica Cobb (@DomesticPirate) June 13, 2013

Or, he'll scale the changing table to get to the diaper cream:

Apparently, Strawberry Cheesecake Massage Cream is no exception.

Upon Captain's arrival to the bedroom from the bathroom, he discovered it:

On my laptop

Our comforter

The floor

The bedside table

The dresser

CB2's face

The stairway wall

The stair rail

But NOT, ironically, on any of our 'toys.'

If dinner hadn't been ready right at the moment of discovery, it would have been an early bath time.

As it stands, we had dinner while CB2, Captain, and I all smelled very strongly of intimate cream.

Cabin Girl thought it was lovely.

And now I'm hoping the Captain will take my pleas to replace our bedroom door handle more seriously.