It's Not Just a Belly

WARNING:

 This post contains bare bellies, women in their skivvies, and partial nudity.  

If you are not a fan of the female form, click elsewhere.

When I met the Captain I was a smoking, bulimic 17 year old working in an ice cream shop.  I had grown up being taunted about my size, height, skin tone and texture, nose... you name it.  My nicknames were 'chicken skin' and 'amazon.'  Being taller than most boys did nothing to make this girl feel feminine, and by the time they were finally taller than me, they had seen me through all the extra awkward stages and had written me off.  And to a developing girl, that was devastating.

Before getting pregnant with Cabin Girl at 19, I had overcome my bulimia and quit smoking thanks to the Captain, but I gained weight.  Once Cabin Girl was born, I was consistently hovering close to 200 pounds and I was ashamed and embarrassed of my post-baby body.  Truth be told, I considered bulimia again.  I researched miracle stretch mark creams.  I mentally beat myself down a path of self destruction that destroyed the tiny bit of self esteem I had gained from the Captain's steady strength and love.  At a point of rejuvenation I walked into a Victoria's Secret hoping to get a bit of feel-good back into my everyday life and was turned away, told that "larger women generally have bigger breasts, so we don't carry anything in your size."  The wash of high school feelings of insignificance returned.

After a miscarriage, a year of totally messed up hormones, varying levels of depression, and a round of Clomid we conceived Cabin Boy #1.  Still overweight, I let my body take the lead and gained even more weight, but I didn't stress too much because that's what my body was supposed to be doing.

I didn't take bare belly shots during either of those pregnancies.  I was ashamed of my expanding body.  Disgusted by my purple stretch marks.  Embarrassed that I had to wear XL/XXL sized maternity clothes.  I was the exact opposite of what I had learned to be attractive.

Cabin Boy #1 had serious allergy issues and failed to thrive on breast milk alone.  I changed my diet to see if it would help him and subsequently lost a lot of weight.  I felt good.  I started running.  I felt happy.  I started to enjoy the curves that motherhood had bestowed upon me.  Captain and I enjoyed rediscovering the connection we had without the fog of my insecurities getting in the way.

Once again, we miscarried.  Then, we unexpectedly became pregnant with Cabin Boy #2.  We were anticipating more hormonal troubles and weren't as careful with birth control as we could have been after deciding to wait a few months longer after the miscarriage.  But, we were happy.

During my pregnancy with Cabin Boy #2 I made a new friend.  A friend that *gasp* took pictures of her BARE BELLY.  While pregnant!  With stretchmarks!  She was PROUD to show the world the amazing feat her body was going through.  

She encouraged me to do the same, so I did... and I've never looked back.

My very first belly picture (Cabin Boy #2) and my most recent belly picture (The Kraken).

This pregnancy, I am OWNING my belly.  Because, you know what?

39 weeks with Cabin Boy #2

I'll be wearing a bikini to the beach and spray grounds.

I talk to Cabin Girl about how awesome I think it is that my body keeps growing as The Kraken is growing.  How proud I am of each and every purple mark that my body made while stretching to fit her, her big healthy brothers, and this baby we're all eager to meet.  We talk about how strong my body is, being able to make this 4th life while caring for the other three it carried.

Because I don't want her to be ashamed of what becoming a woman means.  I don't want her to be devastated by the changes her potential future babies may bring to her body.  I want her to glory in the beauty that is pregnancy, whether it's hers or the women surrounding her.

Most especially, I don't want her to think that I blame them for any issues I have with the body that motherhood has bestowed upon me.

And I am not alone.  These moms are also choosing to bare their bellies.  Every one of them has a perfect reason why!

"Cherishing my belly because this is our 4th pregnancy, and we finally made it to the second trimester!"

"I chose to bare my belly because I was proud of what my body was doing. I was growing another human being in my belly! It still blows my mind a little. I've never felt more beautiful than when I was pregnant. I don't ever want to forget my big, gorgeous, belly-button-stretched-flat belly, because it gave me the greatest gift in the world - it started my family." Sara blogs over at You Are A Good Mama. Check her out!

"I'm a photographer and get a lot of women wanting maternity pictures, but they don't want their bare bellies to show. It's as if they are embarrassed of them. I hate it! I think every pregnant belly is perfect and wonderful, no matter how small, big, hairy, lumpy or if they have stretchmarks.  Now that I'm pregnant, I love lifting my shirt and showing family and friends my awesome, amazing miracle. I am so blessed to be 18 lbs heavier and covered in dark hair, and I am not afraid to show it."

"I wanted my baby to have the photos later in life... However, on a deeper level, the strength and capability of the female body is absolutely amazing. We are vessels of life, there is no job more important. So why not be proud and show it off?!"

"Being pregnant has been a very humbling experience for me. The body I used to have, and had all sorts of body image issues with, is gone, and it's not coming back. Which is freeing, as all those issues are now a moot point. I have a new body now, and after I have this baby, I'll have other issues to contend with. It's like getting a fresh start, and I'm taking advantage of it by getting used to my new skin and celebrating it." Chae is the burlesque performer "Kitty van Tassle" and blogs over at Bird Hearts Bear.  See some awesome pictures of her pregnant burlesque show (bra and undies) here.

"I want every woman to know that being pregnant is the most beautiful and amazing thing our bodies are capable of and I am not ashamed of how I look. I'm proud to say I'm over 200lbs and am growing these babies as best as I can! We as women have a tendency to compare ourselves in every arena and I want you all to know that I love and support every one of my beautiful and pregnant friends no matter their size. This is me being brave and showing you all of me...I love every inch and pound as should you."

"I think it's beautiful when women bare their bellies during their pregnancies. It is something to embrace and share with the world, and it doesn't matter what size, shape, or condition your belly is in. I chose to bear my belly because I want everyone to feel like it's a beautiful thing, a beautiful step in our lives as women, and it should not be hidden!"

"I wanted to take this pic because I have always been ashamed of my body. This pregnancy I realized how beautiful the process of creating life truly is, and wanted to remember how gorgeous my body was, full with child."  Aubrey blogs, too!

And last, but not least, my belly-love 'coach':

"I am a belly bearing mama because I feel that the female form is beautiful in all shapes, sizes, and stages of life. To me, my baby belly is beautiful and perfect and something to savor." Cynthia is a doula in Eastern Washington, providing pre and post-natal, breastfeeding, and birth support for new and expecting mothers.

Teaching our kids to love themselves starts with loving ourselves.  What better time to accomplish both than during the beautiful miracle that is pregnancy?

I forgive you.

You.  Yes, you.  The Holier-than-Thou, mom of the year runner up.  I forgive you.  For throwing stones at me from your glass house.

I don't pretend to be perfect.  Ever.  I'm actually pretty blunt about my follies as a parent, wife, and housekeeper.  There are things that work for me and mine that you may never consider to try for you and yours.  And that's ok.  It's more than ok.  It's perfect, because it's natural.

I don't know what you're trying to compensate for by attacking my choices.  Sneering at the way I spend my free time.  Pitying my children, because what you see of me is via social media.

Assuming that, because I blog and use several social media outlets simultaneously, my children are neglected or less loved than yours.

What you don't see between my internet activities is...

the food made from scratch, 

the kisses on every toe during diaper changes, 

the time I take to fix my daughter's hair in that day's requested style, 

the stuffing of toys in shirts so we're all wearing 'babies,' 

the load of cloth diapers just put in the wash, 

the spills that are cleaned, 

the scrapes that are bandaged, 

the fights that are separated, 

the little bodies crammed onto my every shrinking lap to watch silly things on the computer,

the talks about animals,

the pages that are colored,

the gentle games of indoor toss,

the nails that are painted,

the backs that are rubbed,

the books that are read,

the airplanes that are watched,

the bugs that are discovered, 

the dishes that are washed and promptly dirtied again with more of that food made from scratch,

the flowers that are smelled,

the hiding places that are discovered,

the new words that are learned,

the songs that are sung, 

that made from scratch food that is swept off the floor,

the pullups we practice,

the make believe meals that are brought to me,

the tantrums,

the budget balancing,

the puppet shows,

the stuff purging,

the failed attempts at taking a shower because I choose to spend time with my kids instead,

the walking 6 blocks to pick up my daughter from school and let my boys play,

the visits with our neighbors,

the jump roping,

the late nights I spent reading and gathering blogging material after all my household obligations are done,

the ball pit wars,

the piles of laundry folded,

the dance parties we have,

the fashion shows we're given,

the school functions we attend,

the naps we take,

the wet beds changed,

the innumerable bathroom breaks,

the movies that are watched together,

the play dates that are planned,

the games of pretend that are played,

the discussions I've had with my husband about choosing a day of the week for me to focus on the things that I enjoy doing besides mothering.

And, because there's no way you could have known any of that unless I post about it on social media, I forgive you.

I hope that next time, instead of attempting to shame me for the outlets I choose to use on my me day and in my frequent and short spare moments, you choose to be kind and applaud me for having a passion other than my children.  

                      There is no parenting contest.  If there was, I can assure you                                                         there would be no winner.

UPDATE:  Shortly after posting this, a fellow blogger brought this amazing piece by The Hands Free Mama to my attention.  Here is an excerpt, but I encourage you to go read her full post.  It. Is. Beautiful.

"We need this validation. We need to know we’re doing something right. We need to know our children are going to turn out okay despite it all. We need to know love prevails over failures, flaws, and imperfect days. Because sometimes the “experts,” the psychologists, the well-meaning friends, the sweet ladies in line behind us at Starbucks, and the critics inside our head suggest otherwise … making us feel like there is more to it than just loving them."

Month of May- Monday Wrap-Up

Holy crap, it's June already!

Apparently, I need to stop blinking, because that's how fast the time goes.

Aside from celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary and hitting over 150 Facebook fans, this is what happened around the Pirate house and blog in May:

On my Facebook page, I shared articles on the Dangers of Processed Meats, how an amendment for GMO labeling was shot down in Congress, and that experimental GMO wheat has been discovered in US products.

This month, I posted a tutorial on how to bleach your own design onto a t-shirt: Kraken Maternity Tee
 
I wrote about why I won't be hiding the aspects of my person that some people may not like anymore:  Just Be- About Me, the Color Purple, and Why I Won't Tone it Down Anymore

Penned a letter to my friend dealing with infertility: Letter to My Best Friend
 
And shared pictures and details about my awesome Mother's Day gift, a whole day and night out with my local bestie: Mud Runs and Mom Proms.

 

I also made a frame out of sticks we collected on a field trip for Cabin Boy #1's preschool teacher, knitted a bunch of baby gifts for my due date buddy's secret exchange present, jumped on the Baby Mugging bandwagon started by Mommy Shorts, updated the boys' mohawks, and took Cabin Girl rollerskating for the first time.



 

If you're looking for something to do aside from chores this week, take the time to check these posts out!

My Summer in Numbers from TheShitastrophy

 An honest look at what to expect over summer vacation.  I hope we have enough snacks.

I Might Never Eat a Double Chocolate Jumbo Muffin Again from Karifur

You want a Snickers?  That'll be a 5k, please.

Parenting without religion, Part 1- Prayer from Slow Down: People Breathing

On how you don't need religion to raise good, considerate kids.

Homemade Playdough from The Golden Spoons

Summer fun activity!

The War for Peace from Stantose

"Good job Mommy.  You're OK."

A Reason to Sing from Sloppy Copy Mommy

"Tonight, I decided that this is what it’s all about. We hold them close, we love them, rock them, sing to them, and suddenly one day they’re singing the songs themselves. Rocking their sisters in little rocking chairs, holding doll babies close. They’re copying the way we love, the way we live. "

Don't Forget Your Maid Costume from Laugh Lines

Providing excerpts, and hilarious insight, from The Total Woman on how to "make your marriage come alive"... 70s style.

Kids Food Rules from Science of Parenthood

The sad and hilariously true reality of why your kids may not be eating what's on their plate.

10 Confessions of a Regular Mom from It's Not Like a Cat

The first 5 of 10 confessions.  How many can you relate to?

6 Simple Steps to Making Your Blog Easy for Others to Share from Let Me Start By Saying

Excellent advice for newbies to streamline their blog.

Here's looking forward to a busy June!

Mud Runs and Mom Proms

For Mother's Day, I get family pictures and some random thing that hubby heard me say I'd like or need.  Usually, it's not something for ME, but for the house/family in general.  I don't mind, because he doesn't do random standby stuff, but occasionally I'd like something that's sole purpose was to make me happy.

This Mother's Day, I got it.  It was a week late, but I'm not one to be picky.

My Tacoma bestie and I signed up for the Dirty Girl Mud Run in Seattle, WA, and another friend of mine joined us at 8 a.m. to climb shit, crawl through freezing pools of rocky muck, and get dirt in our underwear.

I have seriously never had so much fun, EVER.

There was a big pool of muddy water at the bottom of this slide.  Enema, anyone?

We finished!

Jessie, moi, and Saranda (who, by the way, was the FIRST to finish.  Beastly.).

Think I don't look too dirty?  LOOK AT MY SHOES (which I donated, mostly because I'm lazy and didn't want to clean them)!

We rinsed off in COLD water, hung out, ate a LOT of food (well, I ate a lot of food), then Jessie and I headed off to our cheapo motel in Seattle to shower and nap before our ladies night!

Look at how nicely we clean up.

We had dinner at Terra Plata and it was DIVINE.  If you are ever in Seattle and need a nice place to nom, check. it. out.

After I snarfed down ate my dinner with decorum befitting of a lady, we trudged out way up the hill to our parking spot (in our heels, because we're smart like that- LET'S WEAR HIGH HEELS IN SEATTLE!) and headed to meet some more friends at the:

Mom Prom!

"The Ultimate Ladies Night Out"

Silent auction, awesome DJ, tables full of 80s goodies, and CANDY everywhere!  We didn't have to share it with any kids!  Caaaaannnnddddyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh, and booze.  I only side note that because, well, you know, the pregnant thing (I did indulge in a mimosa though).

This was pre-booze.  Who knows how to party?  A bunch of moms.

We danced until almost midnight.  Sans shoes, of course.

A Letter to my Best Friend

My Dearest, Most Cherished Friend,


Life is just not fair.

The hardworking barely scrape by.

The giving are taken advantage of.

The loving are demeaned.

The free spirited are scoffed at.

The things we want most are sometimes out of our reach.  Maybe only for a time, brief or extended, maybe forever... 

I wish you these things.  Your heart's desires.

I wish I could take away the pain you feel.  I wish I could make your dreams happen.

I wish you the world.  

But, most of all, I wish you peace.

I have felt that despair.  

I have felt that sadness.

That jealousy.

That righteous fury.

I have felt the keen sting that is watching someone who doesn't want what you want, getting it anyway.

I have died inside, watching those who don't want it, literally throw it away.

I have gone through the agonizing stages of waiting.

Countless others have felt these things as well.

You are not alone.

You are justified.

Your feelings, your desires, your dreams... they matter.  

They are not less.

YOU ARE NOT LESS.

 But if it takes both of our bodies to make your dreams happen, just say the word.

Just Be - About Me, the Color Purple, and Why I Won't Tone It Down Anymore

I will be 27 in a few weeks. I know it's just a drop in the bucket compared to some, and to others it seems like the best years of my life have passed me by.  But there is just one thing that is becoming ever-more clear to me as I get older, experience new things, and raise my children: People never expect you to show your true colors right off the bat. When we, as adults, meet other adults, we tread lightly, carefully, taking pains not to say or share something about ourselves that might scare this potential new addition to our lives away.

I'm not interested in playing that game anymore. 

Ideally, my introduction would go like this:

"Hi, my name is Jessica.  I believe in reproductive rights, gender equality, better gun control, and freedom from religious persecution.  I should also mention that I'm Pagan and feel that our actions here on Earth should speak for themselves, not for a promise of fulfillment in an afterlife.  I am pro-birthing education, support public breastfeeding, I teach my kids the proper names for their penises and vaginas, and I let them climb, scream, and make their own mistakes, as kids are wont to do.  You should also know that I am fiercely opposed to GMOs and biotech in our food and beauty products and plan on creating a homestead where I will grow my own produce, raise my own chickens, and milk my own goats.  Oh, and I am very much into having a healthy, active lifestyle.  I prefer Crossfit and running to most other forms of exercise.  Can we be friends now?"

I will not hide the parts that make me unique just to be shunned once they come to light.

I will not apologize for my beliefs, nor will I expect anyone I meet to apologize for theirs, just because they aren't the same.

Why the heck is she going on this defensive rant?! you may find yourself asking (if you weren't, I'm going to tell you anyway).

Memories, for one.  I remember how hard I used to try to fit in, even though there will never be a better mold to fit into than my own.  There will never be a color to match me better than the one I radiate.  I wish I had known quite some time ago how true it is that attempting to be like anyone or everyone else is just a horrible, painful waste of time.

Recent happenings, for another.  As my kids get older I'm meeting more people.  As my interests expand, I am encountering others that have similar ideas to mine.  But, once the other shades of who I am are introduced to these people, I am cast aside.  I don't have time for people who are only interested in me if my shade matches theirs.

I've started thinking of myself along the same lines as the color purple.  Made up of blue and red, but with touches of yellows, blacks, and whites to get the various shades.  Sometimes, colors like orange and green clash with it, because they're on opposite sides of the wheel from purple.  But, other times, the colors that they share, blue in the greens, and red in the oranges, allow them all to compliment each other very, very nicely. 

I will never stop encountering oranges and greens.  In truth, I would never want to stop.  I will never stop looking for the similarities that make us compliment one another, so that we can enjoy each others' proximity and what each shade brings to the table of our relationship.  But, I will stop expecting others to look past the spaces between us on the wheel to see that we share a base color in common, and I will stop hiding the colors that make up who I am. (And I'll continue to be fascinated by yellow.  Seriously, what planet did it even come from?  How can it even exist on THAT side of the wheel?!  I must know everything about it!!!)

http://beautyineverything.com/4563045108

There are no lines that define when blue becomes purple.  Why should we draw those lines between ourselves as people?

What color do you identify with?

Kraken maternity tee- Bleach design tutorial

There's a saying that Necessity is the father of invention.  I say, being unique makes inventing a necessity.

I've never fit into a specific scene with my tastes in anything.  I love pop culture, nerd culture, rock culture, hippy culture... music, clothes, food, lifestyle... all sort of mesh into a web of seemingly random, eclectic preferences.  

That's not to say I like everything.  I am actually very picky about the different things from different scenes that I enjoy.  So being a 20 something mom is hard.  Because I want to incorporate this small piece of that, with a dash of this, and a glob of that-thing-over-there into my personal and parenting style, but there's NOTHING OUT THERE.

It's become easier with the popularity of pirates, but they're slowly being elbowed out by things that I don't like, so I don't pay attention.  Most pirate things for women and girls are pink and/or insanely sparkly, which I don't mind in moderation, but I'd like to go out in public without making someone want to vomit rainbows.

So I've had to get crafty.  Which usually I am totally okay with.  Sometimes though, it's just a pain.  Why can't there be a designer out there that has a direct plug into my brain that makes the things I want, for a decent price?!  Anyway...  

If you follow me, you know that Baby #4 has been dubbed The Kraken.  The few maternity sites I have found that carry alternative style clothes are ridiculously expensive.

So, as stated before, necessity and invention. 

I needed a unique t-shirt for this pregnancy.  I don't have $60 to spend on said t-shirt.  Hellooooooo, Pinterest!  

I've seen dozens of bleach tutorials.  A lot of them say to use a spray bottle, make your own bleach pen, use parchment paper to put your design on and iron it to the shirt so the bleach doesn't bleed underneath.  I'm a rebel lazy, so I chose to skip a majority of the recommendations.

I got my t-shirt, got my bleach, a small glass jar, a new paintbrush, cardboard, tape and a piece of paper.  Sketched out my design, cut it out, and taped it to the t-shirt, which I put the piece of cardboard in to avoid bleeding through the back.  Painted around the edges of my design with the bleach then flicked it around a few times for some 'bubble' spots, and voila!!

One of the tutorials I've browsed mentioned that different black shirts will bleach to different colors!  Not sure how to tell the difference, but don't be surprised if your shirt comes out a color other than orange.

 
At the moment the shirt is in a gentle wash cycle with a touch of homemade laundry detergent to get any extra bleach out before it eats a hole in the shirt fibers (I took that pic while the shirt was still bleach damp, and now I smell like a sparkly bathroom!).

I am incredibly happy with the way it turned out (will update if the wash changes anything) and fully intend to raid my local thrift store for more plain maternity tees to play with!  I'm also thinking the baby needs a custom Kraken onesie, so keep an eye out for that post, too!

Have you done any bleach products?  I'd love to see/hear about them!